Partly out of curiosity, partly boredom and jealousy (by the no. of followers and visitors), I was clicking
Roissy at DC quite often in the past couple days. Then yesterday I discovered that the real identity of
Roissy was exposed by another popular blogger “
Lady Raine” with pictures, real name, work address, home address etc a year ago. This marks the beginning of the night-long marathon of tracing blog posts on Roissy and LR respectively.
LR is more sane and seems to be an intelligent woman. She has as many followers as Roissy. Although what she preaches seem reasonable and fair to me: e.g. relationship is about mutual respect and trust, not about gaming, seduction, hedonism, anti-feminism, self-deprivation, and above all, pretending to be be someone or something you are not just to get laid. A headcount of sexual partners is a poor measure of the likelihood of spiritual union, which is what marriage is ultimately about. LR is also familiar with the common mistakes female make in dating, and what drive men away. She is right: reduce your antagonism and animosity on other hot sisters because verbal attack does not make you look attractive, only pathetic and unconfident. What men and women both seek in a relationship, as LR rightly landed, is
FEELING good–––well, in the modern circumstances––I concur. It used to be about a commitment, a set of outer-worldly belief, a socially-mandatory arrangement. These pre-outlined, non-negotiable marriage rituals deprive people of sexual freedom and existential autonomy, but human beings are so corrupted that these arrangements sometimes are necessary to hold our fallible society together. As time goes by, since everything is corruptible, these social norms become unaccepted as they are becomingly more unbearable to most people. Coupled with the modern invention of revolutionary (and destructive) ideas of human-centrality, existential matters become the exclusive concerns. The natural consequence is that nuptiality is not a holy matrimony anymore, but a match of two bloated, over-confident selves in an overtimed competition of whose groin is more blessed, and whose attractiveness is the spotlight.
This is why I don’t believe in the doctrine of “the pursuit of happiness”. If happiness is the goal of existence, and if marriage is about getting access to a lifetime share of happiness, it follows that marriage is about feeling as happy as possible, rather than a mutual agreement to opt for something higher. Is it possible that both parties can feel happy if they work hard to put each other’s happiness above their own? This goes back to the old proposal advice, “propose to your girl if you are ready to put her before yourself”. I don’t dismiss the possibility of such an all-too-good-to-be-true deal. But what is the basis of this altruistic bond? Your another half is not related to you. You might think he/she is your soulmate and the two of you might share a long history. But chemistry is inexplicable, and history is not anticipatory. Unless there is an external purpose (I’m not getting religious here), a common set of belief in the mission of life that are shared by the marriageable couples, a marriage based on nothing but “chemistry” and love is doomed from the very beginning.
Realizing an external purpose in life is not the same as retrograde religious fundamentalist. It does not need to be either God or nothing. It is about dedicating yourself to something bigger than your hormonal feeling and earthly existence. It is the recognition that your existence is not independent of the social forces and historical contingencies. It is the acknowledgement that your life is and will continue to be a part of the larger cultural, social, political conventions and currents of our days.
In sum, marriage is important NOT because you are in need of
(for women)
a meal ticket,
a medical insurance,
a plus-one for escort,
an admirer of you while still in shape
an emotional comforter
(for men)
a f**kable buddy,
a housekeeper, a cook, a maid
a legal partner to show to your boss that you are stable and mature
a fertile uterus to sow your wild oats
an hourglass figure to look at
These are the material benefits that may or may not come with a marriage, but if one or all of these reasons are the only determinant of a relationship, this is not going to work eventually.
